my miscellaneous debris

Simply put, synesthesia is when two or more senses are connected. Some people see colors when they hear certain words, some experience textures when dealing with numbers. My synesthesia stems from music.

This is something that I've never spoken about publicly before but when I recently tried lithium to regulate my bipolar symptoms it became apparent that my synesthesia plays a major part in the way that I experience life. I've posted about the lithium - synesthesia reaction some in the main blog but I feel that I really should try to explain what synesthesia is like for me.

As I previously stated, it's mostly music that triggers me. I have no control over the sensations that go along with the music. I mean that quite literally. If the sensation is uncomfortable the only way to stop it is to stop the music. Every song has at least one color, often the different instruments will be different shades of the same color.

As a singer my main focus is on the lead vocals so it makes sense that it's the vocals that have the strongest effect on me. A vocalist with a tone that I find especially pleasing can set off almost all of my senses. Some examples:

- Natalie Merchant (formerly of 10,000 maniacs) - Her vocals give me the sensation of being coated in caramel. Again, I mean that literally. I can feel something smooth and thick and warm and brown dripping down onto my head and completely covering me. Sometimes I can taste her voice. No surprise that it tastes like caramel.

- P.J. Harvey - Her voice pulls my stomach back against my spine and then pulls it upwards, scraping it along my backbone and ribs. There are often small white firecracker-type explosions that go off on the left side of my stomach as it moves upwards. It's somewhat uncomfortable but it's not painful and I rather enjoy it.

- Eminem - His vocals feel like a man's fingers tapping on my skin. It's completely random, I'll feel a tap on my left shoulder then a tap on my right foot. Sometimes the tapping will stop and it will feel like a hand is resting on me. It's always a man's hand. The texture is rough and it has a heavy feel to it even though the touch is light.

I've noticed that female vocalists generally elicit stronger physical responses overall than male vocalists. However male vocalists often bring out stronger emotional responses. Like the guy from the Goo Goo Dolls, even though I enjoy his voice I don't get much of a physical sensation from hearing him - but he does sound like truth.

LOL - And that would be why I don't discuss this. I realize that when I say he sounds like truth that makes no sense to normal people. For years my music teachers looked at me strangely when I described music as having shape, color and texture beyond what was normal. I guess I'm fortunate in that respect. Music is often described in terms of texture, color, brightness and tonal shape. It just took a few years for me to realize that while they were describing it in terms that were incredibly deep for them; it was only the first inch on the yardstick of what I was able to experience. Where another musician might say that they don't like the quality of a violin's tone I might say that the tone sounded like loosely woven burlap - Hence the strange looks…

Each instrument generally has it's own color but usually they surrender their individual qualities and become part of the whole. Songs that have intense bass and drum lines tend to be darker in color and resonate within my torso as if I were hollow. A traditional walking bassline will often walk up the ribs on my right side or the vertebrae in my back. A screeching guitar flashes like lightening in jagged streaks of bluish-white usually forming just in front of me and to the right.

And then there are the shapes. Every song has a shape. The shape may change from verse to chorus but there is always an "overall" shape to the song. It seems to be related to the rhythm and the pull of the music.